I am a believer. I desire to do God's will and to glorify Him.
Like all believers, I walk somewhere between Romans 7 and 12.
When I am choosing to live in my addiction -- and I must choose my words carefully today -- when I choose to remain in my addiction, I get to a point where even Romans 7 would be progress. I get to a point where I don't want to talk to God, about God, or hear from God, and I certainly am not concerned with glorifying Him.
And yet His Spirit in me is crying out for Him.
I sit in my chair, ensconced in my addicted behavior, trying to ignore God's calling and yet wanting to pray to Him. But how can I pray? I haven't repented. My prayers will not be heard. I don't know that that is strictly true -- as a believer, my sin has already been paid for. Even in the midst of my sin, God sees only righteousness. How can that be? But it is what the Bible says.
It just proves that I am totally depraved. Those people who believe all people are good or at least blank slates (tabula rosa) are deceiving themselves. I am -- we are -- totally without the abiltiy to seek God. When I am choosing to remain in my addiction, the only reason I can come out of it is because God is seeking me. Yes, I do have the power to choose -- 2 Peter 1:3. But I only have that power because God gave it to me. I can only love God because He first loved me.
What a weight is lifted from my chest, that oppressive weight of sin that I carry by choice! God is waiting to carry my burden, and He has given me the power to hand that burden to Him. How great is His love for me!
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30