Some well-meaning Christian friend told me recently that it is some sin in my life that is causing this on-going problem. This person does not know me well, and perhaps she simply wanted a chance to share what God has been doing in her life. Which she did.
But the statement hurt.
And as we all do, I sought council. From people I thought would agree with me and disagree with her.
Except my very best friend seemed to agree with her. I left that conversation feeling beat up and sad. Thankfully, she is my best friend and also rather wise, and so she called to further the conversation and clarify her position.
Whether or not there is unrepentant sin in my life is something only God can fully address. But, she said, your attitude about the disease DOES reflect a problem within your spirit. You don't ask God for healing, and you delay treatment, because you don't feel you are worth it.
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I think that is true. After contemplating what she said, I think she is right. Who am I to ask God to heal my body? Hasn't He done enough? Daily pain is only what I deserve.
Funny how a statement of abject spiritual poverty can come out of a PRIDEFUL HEART.
I don't deserve a healing touch? Really, on some level, that is a slap in God's face. "You said You love me enough to die for me, but you don't love me enough to do this."
I am NOT saying that God has to prove He loves me by healing me. That is not it at all! But the opposite is also not true. It is not true that God hasn't healed me because He doesn't love me. There may be any number of reasons why God is allowing this, not the least of which would be "for His glory." I may never know the reasons why. I've always found comfort in Job 38-40, and it applies here:
38 Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
or shown the dawn its place,
I have not. But God has. I can take comfort in that!
My value is not based on my sinlessness (which doesn't exist) or my physical ability (which are rather disabilities) but rather on the blood of Christ. What is my value? My value is whatever someone is willing to pay.
God paid with His Son. Whether I choose to believe it or not, God thinks I am worth it.
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