Most of us would say we want to be a great:
Wife
Mom
Teacher
Lawyer
Nurse
Sister
Friend
What about "Christian"? Would we say we want to be a great Christian? According to Chip Ingram in his book Good to Great in God's Eyes: 10 Practices of Great Christians, most people would think saying we want to be a Great Christian is not humble, too over-reaching.
How can I -- knowing how deep my sinful nature goes -- ever call myself a Great Chrisitan?
But thinking about it, I have to ask myself, how can I NOT STRIVE for that? Is God displeased if I want to be a Great Christian? Would it bring Him less glory if I were?
I am eager to read this book and share here what I am learning.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
The End?
I have been in counseling for my addiction for two years. Summers are busy for everyone, including my counselor and myself. For the second summer in a row, we met only once. When the fall arrived, and I expected things to get back to normal, I have not been able to get in touch with her to set up a meeting.
At the end of the summer I failed but managed to pick myself up. It is true what she says: I know the truth -- I just have to remember to live it. And so I managed to get back where I need to be. And have been consistently doing that for some weeks now.
Perhaps I don't need her anymore.
But the idea that I won't be meeting with her anymore makes me sad.
At the end of the summer I failed but managed to pick myself up. It is true what she says: I know the truth -- I just have to remember to live it. And so I managed to get back where I need to be. And have been consistently doing that for some weeks now.
Perhaps I don't need her anymore.
But the idea that I won't be meeting with her anymore makes me sad.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
When God Chases You
It can be a hard thing.
As you can see by the dates of my posts, it has been nearly a month since my last post. I wish I could claim busyness or forgetfulness or even that I have simply lost interest.
Alas, that is not the case.
I have not posted because I have not been reading the Diane Evans book. Nor have I been reading my Bible. Nor have I been spending much time with God or even thinking about God. I have been willfully and determindedly running from God by sticking in my addiction like a fly in poisoned honey.
But God is not willing to let me go.
Today I was the storyteller at church. The young children have three main ideas that the curriculum circulates: God made me, God loves me, and Jesus wants to be my friend forever. This month is God made me, and the verse is from Psalm 139: 14 --
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
I did a cute song and activity -- it wasn't really a story this week. We did "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." We jumped and marched and used our hands to pick up stickers off the floor. Because God gave us eyes to see and ears to hear and mouths to speak and feet to walk and hands to help. To see His people and to hear their needs and to tell them about Jesus and to walk with them and to help them.
Then I left the kiddos with their teachers and entered the adult service.
This month our pastors are teaching from Jonah. What happens when you run from God.
Um....
The pastor was teaching on chapter 2 today, what happens when you pray to God. Jonah prayed from the belly of the fish. In the farthest down he could get -- the living dead way down below the surface of the sea -- he prayed to God....
And God listened.
The pastor read the passage and then turned to the psalms and said there is a psalm that very nearly mirrors what Jonah was saying, although Jonah came after the psalm. So I guess Jonah mirrored the psalm, but the reflection is there.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
That's from Psalm 139.
Um....
And then the pastor said that God gave us these legs, even though He knew we'd run.
Um...
"You can't run from Me, my daughter. Wherrever you go, I am there. You run with these legs I have given you -- given to you so that you can GO to them and tell them about Me. I knew you'd run. I didn't have to give you legs. I could have made you so that you could never leave Me. But I didn't. Go ahead and run -- but I'm right there with you."
Oh, God, my Father.
I don't want to run anymore.
I am faithless.
You are faithful.
Thank you for loving me, for chasing me.
Oh, God, let me run only ever after You!
As you can see by the dates of my posts, it has been nearly a month since my last post. I wish I could claim busyness or forgetfulness or even that I have simply lost interest.
Alas, that is not the case.
I have not posted because I have not been reading the Diane Evans book. Nor have I been reading my Bible. Nor have I been spending much time with God or even thinking about God. I have been willfully and determindedly running from God by sticking in my addiction like a fly in poisoned honey.
But God is not willing to let me go.
Today I was the storyteller at church. The young children have three main ideas that the curriculum circulates: God made me, God loves me, and Jesus wants to be my friend forever. This month is God made me, and the verse is from Psalm 139: 14 --
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
I did a cute song and activity -- it wasn't really a story this week. We did "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." We jumped and marched and used our hands to pick up stickers off the floor. Because God gave us eyes to see and ears to hear and mouths to speak and feet to walk and hands to help. To see His people and to hear their needs and to tell them about Jesus and to walk with them and to help them.
Then I left the kiddos with their teachers and entered the adult service.
This month our pastors are teaching from Jonah. What happens when you run from God.
Um....
The pastor was teaching on chapter 2 today, what happens when you pray to God. Jonah prayed from the belly of the fish. In the farthest down he could get -- the living dead way down below the surface of the sea -- he prayed to God....
And God listened.
The pastor read the passage and then turned to the psalms and said there is a psalm that very nearly mirrors what Jonah was saying, although Jonah came after the psalm. So I guess Jonah mirrored the psalm, but the reflection is there.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
That's from Psalm 139.
Um....
And then the pastor said that God gave us these legs, even though He knew we'd run.
Um...
"You can't run from Me, my daughter. Wherrever you go, I am there. You run with these legs I have given you -- given to you so that you can GO to them and tell them about Me. I knew you'd run. I didn't have to give you legs. I could have made you so that you could never leave Me. But I didn't. Go ahead and run -- but I'm right there with you."
Oh, God, my Father.
I don't want to run anymore.
I am faithless.
You are faithful.
Thank you for loving me, for chasing me.
Oh, God, let me run only ever after You!
Monday, September 19, 2011
What is easy, what is hard?
Life is hard, wouldn't you agree? Money is tight, my health is less than wonderful, or even adequate, and my emotions are occasionally all over the map. Sometimes I cry out, "Just take me home."
But today I am reminded that it is in this very environment that God makes me more like Himself. Evans writes, "God's graces appear in the midst of a consecrated life as it is actually lived, not in some far-off realm set apart from real human emotional experience. Surrender never discounts or denies the reality of our suffering."
God isn't standing by my elbow saying, "Get it together, girl! You can handle this, it's nothin'."
No, He is saying, "This is too hard for you, so stop trying to carry it yourself. ..
Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
And though I recognize the wisdom of it, in my prideful state it is still the hard thing -- letting go, laying it at His feet, saying, "I surrender all."
Oh, God, my God, my Savior and my friend,
Give me the strength to admit my strength isn't enough.
Give me the hope that comes from knowing You.
Give me the rest that I so desire.
Oh, God, my God, give me You.
But today I am reminded that it is in this very environment that God makes me more like Himself. Evans writes, "God's graces appear in the midst of a consecrated life as it is actually lived, not in some far-off realm set apart from real human emotional experience. Surrender never discounts or denies the reality of our suffering."
God isn't standing by my elbow saying, "Get it together, girl! You can handle this, it's nothin'."
No, He is saying, "This is too hard for you, so stop trying to carry it yourself. ..
Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
And though I recognize the wisdom of it, in my prideful state it is still the hard thing -- letting go, laying it at His feet, saying, "I surrender all."
Oh, God, my God, my Savior and my friend,
Give me the strength to admit my strength isn't enough.
Give me the hope that comes from knowing You.
Give me the rest that I so desire.
Oh, God, my God, give me You.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Evans' Book: Chapter on Surrender
I am in the third chapter, the third of six godly characteristics that the Lord wants His daughters to exhibit. I am also reading through Chip Ingram's r12 Christian. In his book, Chip says the thing we are afraid of is the thing that we have not fully surrendered to God. Evans, in this chapter, is writing about Mary the mother of Jesus, and what she says supports that thought.
Mary was told she would have a child, even though she was a virgin. Her whole life was about to be turned upside down. She could have been afraid of Joseph's reaction, public humiliation, her parents, even her life, if the community stoned her to death. But she was completely surrendered to God, and even losing her life was not something to fear.
What am I afraid of?
You know, an addict's response to life often reflects fear. Something in his/her life causes fear, discomfort, or pain, and those feelings cause the addict to turn to his/her addiction. A year ago I was doing very well, walking on solid ground. When I first read Chip Ingram's words last spring, I thought to myself that I was not afraid of anything.
But either I was deluding myself or I simply didn't realize: I am afraid of losing my job. Not just because of a down economy or poor performance. But what if this rheumatoid arthritis that is sapping my strength and my ability to function causes me to have to quit? It is still a loss of my job, in a way, and it does frighten me. Because what happens next? Where do I go? What do I do? I am a single woman who does not live near family. Do I go on disability? Move in with friends? Move back home?
Or simply wait for God to reveal the next step, and then the next?
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.
Psalm 57:1
Mary was told she would have a child, even though she was a virgin. Her whole life was about to be turned upside down. She could have been afraid of Joseph's reaction, public humiliation, her parents, even her life, if the community stoned her to death. But she was completely surrendered to God, and even losing her life was not something to fear.
What am I afraid of?
You know, an addict's response to life often reflects fear. Something in his/her life causes fear, discomfort, or pain, and those feelings cause the addict to turn to his/her addiction. A year ago I was doing very well, walking on solid ground. When I first read Chip Ingram's words last spring, I thought to myself that I was not afraid of anything.
But either I was deluding myself or I simply didn't realize: I am afraid of losing my job. Not just because of a down economy or poor performance. But what if this rheumatoid arthritis that is sapping my strength and my ability to function causes me to have to quit? It is still a loss of my job, in a way, and it does frighten me. Because what happens next? Where do I go? What do I do? I am a single woman who does not live near family. Do I go on disability? Move in with friends? Move back home?
Or simply wait for God to reveal the next step, and then the next?
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.
Psalm 57:1
Friday, September 9, 2011
For Freedom -- Evans' Book
Still dealing with the same sin, though it seems to me when you pray thusly, "God, I don't want you as much as I wish I did. Please change my heart to desire you as you deserve," -- seems to me He honors such prayers. Two weeks ago, I was still steeping, like a too strong cup of tea. Today I have re-found the sweetness of Christ.
Psalm 34: 4-9 I sought Jehovah, and he answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked unto him, and were radiant; And their faces shall never be confounded.
This poor man cried, and Jehovah heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of Jehovah encampeth round about them that fear him, And delivereth them.
Oh taste and see that Jehovah is good: Blessed is the man that taketh refuge in him.
Oh fear Jehovah, ye his saints; For there is no want to them that fear him.
Galatian 5: 1 -- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
I'd love to have a photo with this post, perhaps a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
Psalm 34: 4-9 I sought Jehovah, and he answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked unto him, and were radiant; And their faces shall never be confounded.
This poor man cried, and Jehovah heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of Jehovah encampeth round about them that fear him, And delivereth them.
Oh taste and see that Jehovah is good: Blessed is the man that taketh refuge in him.
Oh fear Jehovah, ye his saints; For there is no want to them that fear him.
Galatian 5: 1 -- It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
I'd love to have a photo with this post, perhaps a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Diligence: a Thought from Evans' Book
Several days ago, I meditated here on the lack of diligence in my life and how necessary it is to overcome my addiction. Without diligence, little actions and attitudes that seem irrelevant slowly lead me to a place where stepping into my addictive behavior is not such a big jump.
Today, reading Deborah Evans' book, I came upon a quote from a third century bishop. His name was Nonnos, and he said, "We, the mindless ones, indifferently dismiss, without regard, the soul, instead of preferring the immortal and living God. Moreover, we prefer what is vain and perishable, thus insulting and disdaining our dignity. Whereupon, we suffer loss of that wonderful and ineffable delight of perpetual blessedness."
The pleasures that this world provides, whether they be sinful addictions or hours of seemingly innocuous television viewing, disregard the soul. They are vain and perishable. That is not what I was created for. What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
I could say I am the only one that loses, when I prefer the vain and perishable. But the story of Nonnos that Evans relates in her book is in reference to an actress/prostitute in her sedan chair, decked to the nines and gathering adoring and lustful looks as she drives by. Nonnos is referring to the reactions of the godly men with whom he is speaking, and to his own reaction: downcast eyes and turning away. It is that action that he says disregards the soul -- her soul.
Am I the only one who loses? Or is it all the people with whom I come in contact who, because my days are spent in fleeting pleasures, do not see the joy and peace and pleasure to be had in the presence of my Savior?
Today, reading Deborah Evans' book, I came upon a quote from a third century bishop. His name was Nonnos, and he said, "We, the mindless ones, indifferently dismiss, without regard, the soul, instead of preferring the immortal and living God. Moreover, we prefer what is vain and perishable, thus insulting and disdaining our dignity. Whereupon, we suffer loss of that wonderful and ineffable delight of perpetual blessedness."
The pleasures that this world provides, whether they be sinful addictions or hours of seemingly innocuous television viewing, disregard the soul. They are vain and perishable. That is not what I was created for. What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
I could say I am the only one that loses, when I prefer the vain and perishable. But the story of Nonnos that Evans relates in her book is in reference to an actress/prostitute in her sedan chair, decked to the nines and gathering adoring and lustful looks as she drives by. Nonnos is referring to the reactions of the godly men with whom he is speaking, and to his own reaction: downcast eyes and turning away. It is that action that he says disregards the soul -- her soul.
Am I the only one who loses? Or is it all the people with whom I come in contact who, because my days are spent in fleeting pleasures, do not see the joy and peace and pleasure to be had in the presence of my Savior?
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