I am in the third chapter, the third of six godly characteristics that the Lord wants His daughters to exhibit. I am also reading through Chip Ingram's r12 Christian. In his book, Chip says the thing we are afraid of is the thing that we have not fully surrendered to God. Evans, in this chapter, is writing about Mary the mother of Jesus, and what she says supports that thought.
Mary was told she would have a child, even though she was a virgin. Her whole life was about to be turned upside down. She could have been afraid of Joseph's reaction, public humiliation, her parents, even her life, if the community stoned her to death. But she was completely surrendered to God, and even losing her life was not something to fear.
What am I afraid of?
You know, an addict's response to life often reflects fear. Something in his/her life causes fear, discomfort, or pain, and those feelings cause the addict to turn to his/her addiction. A year ago I was doing very well, walking on solid ground. When I first read Chip Ingram's words last spring, I thought to myself that I was not afraid of anything.
But either I was deluding myself or I simply didn't realize: I am afraid of losing my job. Not just because of a down economy or poor performance. But what if this rheumatoid arthritis that is sapping my strength and my ability to function causes me to have to quit? It is still a loss of my job, in a way, and it does frighten me. Because what happens next? Where do I go? What do I do? I am a single woman who does not live near family. Do I go on disability? Move in with friends? Move back home?
Or simply wait for God to reveal the next step, and then the next?
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.