How big is your God?

How big is that problem? How critical is that illness? How desperate is that need?

Is your God big enough to handle it?

I ask that question with the personal pronoun "your" because often the God we think of when we pray is not the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible IS big enough, strong enough, powerful enough, loving enough. But we often look at our problems and think He can't possibly fix it, or more often in my case, love me enough to care.

Isaiah 40: 12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
    or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
    or weighed the mountains on the scales
    and the hills in a balance?
¹³ Who can fathom the Spirit^[d] of the Lord,
    or instruct the Lord as his counselor?
¹⁴ Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him,
    and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge,
    or showed him the path of understanding?

¹⁵ Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
    they are regarded as dust on the scales;
    he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

God can hold all the dust in the hollow of His hand. He can weigh mountains. He needs no one to teach Him. BIG. POWERFUL. ALL-KNOWING.

OK, so He can handle my problem in the best way possible.

But does He want to?

I am but a speck of dust on a speck of dust in a universe so small it can fit in the palm of His hand. And yet... This God, who created all things and stands outside of time and outside of space entered time and space to be born, to live, and to die on a cross.

For me.

For you.

If He loves us enough to do that, why wouldn't He care about these problems weighing on our hearts?

The Beginning is Coming!

Today the pastor spoke on Revelation. Why do we get so caught up in the here and now? Why don't we constantly seek eternity? Because our view of eternity is boring. We see fat angels and harps and clouds. If we really thought of eternity the way God describes it, we would be so eager to get there!

Revelation 21 and 22 promise RESTORATION:

Earth will be restored -- the earth is groaning, like a woman in labor. This isn't the way it is supposed to be. Imagine a place with no thorns, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, or poison ivy. One day God will refresh the earth, and it will be as it was in Eden.

Relationships will be restored -- our relationship with God and our relationships with others. Without sin to get in the way, these relationships will be perfect. Think about that best friend, how you can talk on the phone for hours and it seems like minutes. I used to tease my sister in middle school -- she and her best friend walked home from the bus stop together. The friend lived three houses down. No sooner did they get in the door than they were on the phone with each other. That is the kind of relationships we will have in eternity.

Joy will be restored -- "no more death or mourning or crying or pain." It is hard to imagine. But it is "trustworthy and true."

Immortality will be restored -- In Eden, after Adam and Eve sinned, they (and we) were denied eternal life. Jesus's death and resurrection made it possible for us to regain that. In eternity, in the New Jerusalem, we will have eternal life.

Dignity will be restored -- Many people in this world have had their dignity stolen, physically and verbally and emotionally. Our culture wants us to believe our value is based on looks, money, intelligence. God says our value is based on the fact that we are image bearers, loved by God, and redeemed by Him. In the New Jerusalem, we will reign with Him, like royalty.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

But, Lord, wait, be patient just a little longer. I still have family and friends and people I love who don't have a relationship with You. I don't want them to be eternally lost!

And while You are waiting, Lord, please give me opportunities to speak of You and the boldness to speak the truth in love and the grace to live a life that reflects You so that they will see and know You!

Amen!

Detour

I was planning the first week of school, expecting rambunctious 5th and 6th graders, and not knowing what to expect from my new history class for 7th and 8th. I now teach humanities for all of middle school in the small Christian school where I have taught elementary for 5 years. I needed an intro to Bible lesson for both grade levels. The 7th/8th history curriculum incorporates Bible, but the 5th/6th does not. And anyway, I could use the first lesson for both.

I wanted to use 2 Timothy 3:16:  All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness...

Just so happens, my pastor spoke on that very verse the week before school started! He used a great visual aid.

So great, in fact, that I stole the idea and used it in class.

Teaching: Picture a one way sign. God's Word shows us the ONE WAY that is right, and we must follow it.

Rebuking: Picture a do not enter sign. Stop, My Child! That's the WRONG WAY!

Correcting: Picture a detour sign. You went the wrong way -- here is how you get back to the ONE WAY.

Training: Beware of the student driver! She may be a Christian, but she doesn't always know what she's doing!

My students made signs themselves, and we hung them above the black board.

Now, to find road signs for my apartment....I suppose stealing them off the poles would be in a different category than stealing Pastor's idea?

walking in faith

For those that read my last post....I still have a job! The school is open, and we are running on faith. Our small Christian school has no finances to speak of, but we are trusting God.

My question is this:

Is it really faith? Faith in my health will fail me. Faith in friends might fail me. Faith in the government is hit or miss.

But faith in God?

The God of Creation, bigger than the universe, stronger than hurricanes and wild fires, compassionate and loving enough to forgive us of our sin...

There is no doubt. It's a given.

So is it really faith?

strength in vulnerability

For several years I was a slave to the sin of pornography. God was constantly, consistently drawing me back, but it took a few years for me to turn from my sin and seek help. In the spring of 2009, I called a friend of mine from Bible college, who happens to be a Biblical counselor, and asked for help.

The first three months were up and down, like walking down an up escalator. I was on my way up, no doubt about it, but I was choosing again and again to return to my sin.

There was a turning point, a bottom-of-the-barrel moment. They (the ubiquitous "they") say that drug addicts and alcoholics must also reach an absolute low before they can truly recover. My bottom was not a DUI or arrest for narcotics possesion. Mine was knowing God loves me.

He loves me. And He deserves more than I was giving Him. I understood that my life was not glorifying God.  Oh, only 4 people knew of my struggle, but Satan does not always have to destroy us, as Christians -- he only needs to make us ineffective. And I certainly was that.

It was a beautiful August day. I was returning from my counseling appointment, driving along a winding country road on a steep downhill grade. Replaying in my mind the conversation with Faye and berating myself for hiding from her that I had again, just this week, given into temptation and spent time in fantasizing. Feeling guilt, self-disgust, self-loathing.

Wanting simply to die.

Because, certainly, God doesn't want me living this way and I am not helping spread the Kingdom, so why not end it.

And I was driving along a cliff, the perfect opportunity right outside my window.

But I had a visiioin of my family: father, mother, sister, brothers, in-laws and nephews, all looking at me in my coffin. No one in my family has accepted the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross, though over the years they have become less adamant when telling me they don't want to hear it. But I saw them at my funeral, looking at the results of suicide and saying, "She followed God and this is what it got her. I'm not following that God." And turning away.

Oh God, save me! I don't want that!

That was my bottom. And unfathomable victory followed.

For several months, at least. Until the following February. Within one work-week, I had three different people offer to help me with my job. This should not, necessarily cause one's world to flip upside down. However, when one's job is one's security and that foundation is shaken -- because they wouldn't be offering "help" if I wasn't doing it wrong -- then it becomes a problem.

Did you pick up on that? when one's job is one's security

And I stumbled. Fell. Hard. It took me nearly nine months to again reach that place of victory. I'm actually not sure I've ever really gotten back. Certainly I still struggle more than I wish I did.

Why such a long description and explanation of something from over 2 years ago?

Because today I will learn whether or not I lose my job. Through no fault of my own. Simply another casualty of the economy.

I am scared. I am a single woman with working disability. I won't find another job, and I won't get unemployment because you have to be willing and able to work any job and not quit, and can I survive on disability alone? I don't know what comes next.

But for God's glory: I have not returned to the false comfort of sin. For several days now my prayer has been, "I am frightened. Help me to trust you."

God is not demanding fearlessness. He is not wagging a disappointed finger at me for admitting my fear. He simply wants me to turn to Him with it. It provides Him with the opportunity to show His care, guidance, mercy, and power.

I am in a vulnerable spot right now. The idea of the knight in shining armor to carry me from all my troubles is a temptation. But I am on my guard. Prayer and Scripture are the immovable rock in the stormy sea.

That is my strength in the midst of vulnerability.

All of Me

I continue to struggle with addiction. My "drug of choice" is not alcohol or heroin or prescription pain killers. My drug of choice is pornography. I am a young single woman who, when on a binge, will spend hours a day fantasizing about a husband who does not exist. I used to console myself that at least, in my fantasies, he and I are both Christians and married. But in all honesty, it is still sin.

An idol I have created for myself.

Something I have placed above God and more important than knowing God and obeying Him.

In my fantasies I have imagined my wedding. My vows include something to the effect that he gives me everything -- security and love and joy. So my response is to give him "all of me. Today and for the rest of my life, all of me."

Awww. How sweet.


This week in church we sang a Phillips, Craig, and Dean song, "You are God Alone."

You are not a god created by human hands.
You are not a god dependant on any mortal man.
You are not a god in need of anything we can give
By your plan, that's just the way it is.

I create those fantasies; I cannot create God -- He is too kind, loving, forgiving, and holy for me to contemplate, let alone mainpulate and control.

God gives me everything: security, salvation, hope, life -- th very breath I breathe. God does not need anything I could give.

And yet...

He wants all of me.

Dear Lord, let this ever be my prayer: all of me. Today and for the rest of my life, all of me.

Part of a Whole

I grew up in a liturgical church. Every week I would sit in the shiny wooden pew, sing the same songs and recite the same prayers in unison with the rest of the congregation. To this day, I can recite creeds and sing kyries even though I left that church nearly 20 years ago. I always felt that the point of church was lost if I could recite those words at any given moment -- the meaning of them was lost, and it was one of the reasons I left that church.

I began a saving relaionship with Jesus Christ in 1994 and joined an "independent" church. No liturgy here! I no longer live in that town, and the church I attend now could be described as having contemporary worship with orthodox teaching. I love my church, but there is a drawback: as a 1000+ congregation with two buildings and five services, one tends to get lost in the crowd.

Yesterday I attended a Catholic mass with a friend, as I am staying with her while on vacation. I knew neither the prayers nor the order of service. On one hand I felt very out of place, very isolated.

But as I sat in that shiny wooden pew, I realized the unison is a reflection of the UNITY. I walked away with a sense of where I fit in the bigger picture: a landscape of waving golden wheat and a line of trees to buffer the wind and fluffy clouds floating  in a blue sky is not unlike the growth of the Christian in fertile soil with friends to help block the wind and the saints who have gone before cheering us on. In that litugical service yesterday I realized I am part of something bigger, something that crosses borders and epochs, something that is united by Who we worship more than it is divided by how we worship.

And what about being able to recite a creed at the drop of a hat? Oh, what a blessing! No matter where I am, no matter how my mind is wandering where it shouldn't or my actions reflect the world more than the Word -- I have truth at the tip of my tongue. I could do the same thing with Scripture; it is only a matter of repetition, and then I would have that Truth, too, on the tip of my tongue.

When I retrun home in another week or so, I will return to my church. I will look around the room with new eyes: we are just a small part of a large family who, every minute of every day, somewhere someone -- many someones -- are worshiping the Lord of All. My church service might not look like yours, but our God is the same!