All of Me

I continue to struggle with addiction. My "drug of choice" is not alcohol or heroin or prescription pain killers. My drug of choice is pornography. I am a young single woman who, when on a binge, will spend hours a day fantasizing about a husband who does not exist. I used to console myself that at least, in my fantasies, he and I are both Christians and married. But in all honesty, it is still sin.

An idol I have created for myself.

Something I have placed above God and more important than knowing God and obeying Him.

In my fantasies I have imagined my wedding. My vows include something to the effect that he gives me everything -- security and love and joy. So my response is to give him "all of me. Today and for the rest of my life, all of me."

Awww. How sweet.


This week in church we sang a Phillips, Craig, and Dean song, "You are God Alone."

You are not a god created by human hands.
You are not a god dependant on any mortal man.
You are not a god in need of anything we can give
By your plan, that's just the way it is.

I create those fantasies; I cannot create God -- He is too kind, loving, forgiving, and holy for me to contemplate, let alone mainpulate and control.

God gives me everything: security, salvation, hope, life -- th very breath I breathe. God does not need anything I could give.

And yet...

He wants all of me.

Dear Lord, let this ever be my prayer: all of me. Today and for the rest of my life, all of me.